Actual (verbatim) conversation between me (Dr. Lisa) and my 10 year old.
So mom, you have only had sex twice, right?
Why do you want to know that?
Well, you only have two kids. So that means you have only had sex twice, right?
I can see why you would think that. But no. That’s not correct.
Well than what you told me makes no sense. If the point of sex is to have a baby, and I only have one brother, then why am I wrong?
And that’s when even the expert pediatrician and Turning Teen doctor grabs one of her favorite books on reproduction (It’s So Amazing! By Robie Harris). I was completely caught off guard, as my son and I hadn’t had a puberty or sex talk for a couple of months. There are always very open conversations in my house, seeing as my dining room table is covered in Turning Teen handouts and visual aids and a giant uterus. The “sex talk” questions are always a little bit more difficult than the puberty questions, but this was one question I needed a minute to collect my thoughts and appropriately answer. So I did what I tell every patient and Turning Teen mom to do when feeling stumped….stall….and grab a book.
And since you have read this blog this far, I’ll help you out and give you a version of the answer to why people have sex even when not purposely trying to conceive a baby. In fact, I’ll just tell you exactly what my favorite resource perfectly states.
“When people grow up, having sex is one way to show their love for each other. That’s why some people call sexual intercourse ‘making love.’ Grownups also make love when they are not planning to make a baby because it can feel good to be so close to each other. Sexual intercourse may seem gross or nice, scary or funny, weird or cool – or even unbelievable to you. But when two people care for each other, sexual intercouse is very loving.” (“It’s So Amazing!” By Robie Harris)
And that was that. His question was answered matter of fact. And even I take a deep breath and big sigh of relief after it’s over. Until the next question….
There’s obviously much more to say to him on this topic. But little bits of information at a time are best. And I obviously know he is comfortable asking me questions about uncomfortable topics.